Friday, February 24, 2017

It Is Well

If you follow me on Facebook, you are well aware of our recent stay at Royal Oak Beaumont. I posted many times asking for prayers for Maggie while she was sick and I updated everyone as she healed. While most of my friends know the story of her hospital stay and how difficult it was on our entire family, there's a few things I haven't shared: I never shared about the anxiety and panic attacks that I started having the minute we got home. I didn't share how one little trigger would start me in a downward spiral with the most intense feelings of fear, dread and anxiety that we were going to end up back in the hospital (I'll blog more about this later). But most importantly I didn't share about how I had an intimate encounter with God while at the hospital.

If you've ever had a sick child, you understand how hard it is to just stand by and not be able to do anything to make them better. As parents we want to immediately take any pain and sickness from our children so they don't have to experience any discomfort in life. Watching Maggie, at a mere 3 weeks old, work so hard to breathe and show no signs of improvement for days was devastating to me. There was absolutely nothing I could do to make Maggie better. I sat for hours upon hours with Maggie in my arms, praying for her healing. She was hooked up to so many monitors, IVs and breathing tubes that I would get tangled in them. I watched the monitors constantly and held my breath every time her respiratory rate would increase and her oxygen saturation and heart rate decreased. Every time the alarms would sound that she was in distress, I lost hope. I've have never felt so alone and I didn't understand why God wasn't answering my prayers.

When I thought it couldn't get any worse, Maggie's nurse came in and told us that we could no longer hold her. She was on strict bed rest because her stats were better ( but still not good) when she was in bed rather than when we'd hold her. That was the biggest punch in the stomach for me. What did they mean that she was better off in bed? A baby needs her mommy and she should do nothing but thrive in my arms. Although I was upset, I knew that it was what was best for Maggie. I put her in her hospital grade crib which looked more like a prison than a bed. I sat beside her in utter despair. I prayed and prayed and prayed but felt like God was abandoning me. I kept reminding myself that even though I don't feel God, He is still there. I told myself over and over that God loves Maggie more than I can even imagine and that He hears my every prayer and knows every tear that I have cried. I knew these truths but I still felt so alone.






A few nights later, Maggie's favorite nurse, Kelly, came in to do her hourly checks. I expressed how sad I was that I haven't held my baby in days. Without hesitation, Kelly told me that just as much as a baby needs her mom, a mom needs her baby. She scooped Maggie up out of bed and placed her in my arms. Tears welled in my eyes because I had missed my sweet Magpie so badly. Kelly told me to keep an eye on the monitors and if her stats started to decline then I'd have to put Maggie back in bed. I began singing my favorite hymn "It Is Well With My Soul" as I rocked Maggie. The words to that hymn are:

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul
It is well
With my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul
It is well (it is well)
With my soul (with my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul
(Note: These arent all the lyrics but the only ones I could remember at the time)
As I sang these words over and over, I felt something I have never experienced before. Over my right shoulder was a feeling of warmth that I can't quite describe. It wasn't a temperature that I was feeling but the most calming peace. I felt this perfect presence lean over me and touch Maggie. I looked up at the monitors and watched as Maggie's oxygen saturation went up to 100% (it had never been even close to 100% before), her heart rate went to normal level and her respiratory rate slowed down to a pace that showed that she was no longer working to breathe. I began sobbing as I knew without a doubt that I was in the presence of God. He was standing behind me and was healing my baby. I sat there feeling His warmth, love and peace. I wish I could put into words exactly what I felt. To say it was amazing would be an understatement. After a few minutes, that supernatural feeling faded and I immediately called Remie over to me and told him what had happened. We immediately thanked God for hearing our prayers and knew that Maggie was going to be ok. 
The next morning Maggie's doctor was surprised at her progress and took her off the CPAP and on to the high flow cannula.

Then Maggie's nurse gave her a bath, found some clean clothes and gave Maggie a new blanket. She was improving rapidly and we were so thankful!


Before we knew it, Maggie was off oxygen and there was talk of us going home in 24 hours. Maggie did so well without oxygen that her doctor felt confident discharging Maggie later that evening rather than making us wait the entire 24 hours!





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